a year journey comes to the end

can't imagine that I have spent a year in USA! Everything seems so new and just like yesterday.

The journey seems fun and happy. Met many people from around the world. Some of them leave footprints in our heart some of them just leave without leaving anything in your heart. 

Not only friends but the host kids that I have been taken care of. We loved each other so much and we hated each other so much. We were meaned but we loved at the same time. Was funny! Perhaps, just like a family members. You will be so mean to your family but you loved them the most. I love you,I truly do!

I learned to give hugs if someone needed. That means a lot and the feeling can't be described. It was magic! It healed  the pain in your heart/ transferred the love feeling towards someone. Perhaps, i missed out so much hugs or the magic of hugs in malayasia. A hug means a lot to me! 

I am going to miss the kissing and hugging monsters too! 

I learned to let go of someone. They might not mean to stay in your daily life forever but in your heart. And they come and go at the same time. It's  still so hard for me to let go of someone. Saying hello was so much easier.  I thought I would be fine with the goodbyes but I was not. I was afraid that i might not have the chance to see them anymore. I knew C'est la vie. 😌 yeah, I hold on too tight again sometimes. I never think of saying goodbyes to some one you met for just less than a year would be so difficult too. But I was glad that you walked into my life and spent time with me doing some simple stuffs while we were able to do that together. I lived at that moments. I was not regretted at all. That means a lot to me too! I missed a lot of people. A lot, old and new friends. 

An Unknown and third smallest state, Connecticut, in USA. I knew it now. And I met a lot of nice people here. I will miss you all a lot. I truly appreciate  and thankful for what I have got from here. Nice friends, host family, ESL  classmates, meetup group  ladies, Maggie and Tony (tikkaway  stuff), zumba class...... 

A new chapter of my life will be beginning in coming Wednesday!! I hope and believe everything will be good and better from  now on. I shall see everyone of you again someday,somewhere on earth. 

朦胧

看似清晰却又有点模糊。现状。

The moment with them

River tubing, au pair monthly meeting. Yes, it was really fun with them. Stephanie and Laura were there to save me. I was scared of water until today! Though i learned how to swim. Swantje, Astrid, Anne were there to help me. Yet, I wished Anne, Ania, Akane, Alien were there too.

They were now at their home country to start another journey of their life. I miss them, seriously. The one who I spent most time, share the most things with, Anne, I missed her the most. Ania, a girl who are mature and get along well together, I missed her. Akane, went back to Japan and lived happily, I, missed too. Alien, the girl looks like my aunt, will be leaving neXT week. Yeah, this is life.

People comes in, people goes. Nothing last forever, memories, they fade too. I appreciated the moment when we were together. Laugh, happy, complaints, ecetera, ecetera. Life's experiences, that's part of my life now.

I knew I could not go back to many places I used to go, or to reach many people I used to know,  as they were all past tense.yes, past tense. So, I have to, I must,  I can only keep going forward.. moving forward.. that's it. Still need a little time for me to persuade myself... I am still holding something that I am not supposed to, but I just can't let it go. Yeah, I said BUT!

I hope that I can let go of things easily in next minutes onwards. I hope. I hope. I hope.

Another 3 months will be in states for a year.  Wow. Can't imagine! I have been here for a year! No, I haven't think of going back yet. I am just... reluctant to ... go back!

那一刻

现在正坐火车去纽约市。没有走路去纽约市。突然想起多久没哭了。也突然发现双鱼好像没有了感觉。还是因为不再把悲伤，负面的事绕着自己，钻牛角间? 或许吧。得失不再那么重要。当下的感觉反而更真实。

放手某些人，事，反而觉得自由更多了。而且有时候突如其来的惊喜感觉温馨。至少你还没把双鱼忘记。

放手了，彼此更自由了。在你背后的天空是如此的辽阔。谢谢你。失去你虽然很苦但天空更广了。不知道你会不会喜欢现在的双鱼。学会了你最爱的开朗。彼此都缺席了各自生活中的点滴。但希望远远的彼此心里还存着那些年彼此的点滴还有那份感情。其实这样远远的距离让人有点甜而不粘。

好遥远

这些日子里常梦见和中学朋友们在学校一起读书，一起玩闹的日子。那时候是多么的快乐。多么的无忧。

醒来的时候，心里面有种哀伤。因为那是怎么也回不去的从前。
很想回到学校当学生的日子但想到回到学校，好朋友们都不再了，上学变得不再有什么意思。始终要面对现实，那些日子，回不去了。

发现上学不再有什么意义的那一年是和大学的柠檬分开那一年。彼此选择不同的方向所以分班。

那些都是我们回不去的从前。好遥远。。。好遥远。。。

好想念，好想念。

苦苦后的一點甜

嗨，久違了雙魚部落格。因为懒惰。

現在在地球上的另一端。離馬來西亞15087.3公里/ 9375 miles。一個比馬來西亞慢13個小時（冬天）的地方。坐了大約21小時的飛機，屁股還好沒有爛掉！這是第一張到了地球另一角落的照片。心情其實很複雜。從一個熱熱的國家到了冰天雪地冷冷的國家。雙魚是不是還在做夢？這一切來得太慢也似乎太快了。雙魚真到了美國。

標題苦苦后的一點甜，其實是講述這一路從籌備到最後抵達的旅程。話說三年前，哦，不，是四年前，畢業后第一份工是這個美國旅遊與工作的代理人。當時知道了這個東東，想或許雙魚可以試試看。後來辭了轉當一位華語不是標準的中文老師。說老師倒不如說是比較像小朋友們的朋友。將近兩年的時間，從不知道怎麼和小朋友們相處到熟悉，這一路說容易其實不容易，說簡單又不是。就是複雜。領著那薄薄的薪金有時還要倒貼。有時還要被小魔鬼們氣死。不知道是好笑還是該哭。每天塞在無聊惱人的車龍里。生活是讓人窒息。但這個旅程真的是苦樂參半。

終於在2013年三月份下定決心要離開那個讓人窒息而且寂寞的框框。眼看不可能的漸漸變成可能的時候又突然想放棄。因為不捨得新建立的生活。但慶倖的是，在新建立生活的裡頭，新認識的朋友們都很支持在年輕的時候就該出去走走。這讓人安慰。

離開當老師的生活頹廢了3個星期然後找到了新工作因為那時候漸漸成為可能的是又變得模模糊糊，突然又變得好像不可能。結果在新工作上班的前一天得了好消息。雙魚的夢成真了!當時真的好像說，明天就不去上班了。但爲了多一點點錢而且還有一個月的時間。就決定先工作吧。或許會有什麽新發現也不一定。結果那一個月半的日子，雙魚變得人不像人，鬼不像鬼。天天咒駡，天天被氣死。原本以為是5天的工作變成了24/7的工作。那一個月半的日子真的不知道怎麼形容。就當一場惡夢吧。好在雙魚有計劃。不然現在或許你只看見我的骨頭吧。近日也得那個錄取我的啊頭也辭職了。他說他也受不了那樣的工作環境。哈哈。和雙魚同一時間進去工作的兩個新朋友也辭職了。她們也是受不了。哈哈。那個地方真的不適合我們吧。讓我們會覺得我們很像白癡。或許那裡的人把我們當白癡。:D

距離最後一天在地獄般工作的地方和過來美國的日子其實剩下兩個星期。那個星期雙魚是很趕的。因為簽證，行李等等等什麽都沒準備。（雙魚也很壞，要離開的前兩個星期才把最後消息告訴家人，他們第一反應是這麼快？外婆是擔心到要死，說著說著她哭了。雙魚很捨不得。雖然從3月份已經說了決定參加但後來matching 一直都沒有消息，其實外婆也不知道。就像快刀斬亂麻似的。離開兩個星期前才告訴她。結果被唸了一下，最後她說，你既然決定了也沒辦法）。幸好簽證面試是非常順利的。還好飛美國的時間是12月9號的飛機。11月30號工作最後一天，然後剩下的一個星期就是和大學朋友們和回家和家人做暫時離開馬來西亞的道別。這段時間是趕，趕，趕。

終於來到了離開的那天，因為是半夜的飛機所以不要父母朋友送機。大家隔天都要工作而且也不想有捨不得的心情。但表舅就堅持要送雙魚到機場。很感激。他幫了雙魚很多很多。上了機隔壁靠窗就坐了一個金頭髮的帥哥。他很好笑。當飛機起飛時雙魚想看外面，結果他說看前面，不然你會吐！哈哈哈。他也乘搭同一架飛機到上海然後轉機到美國。到了上海機場，等轉機時候遇見了一位來自馬來西亞的朋友。她到美國Florida旅行3個月。有錢到。。。。。。下次如果可以絕對不要乘搭中國航空。雖然都是華人但他們是說話大聲到。。。而且有些很不聽指示，結果弄得空中服務員很頭疼。不過空服人員都是美女帥哥。謝謝他們那21小時的服務。服務雙魚那排的是陳唯一，有點像舒淇的，另個是管金燕。

到了美國機場，負責人接待我們到酒店。然後報導。負責人·說雙魚很特別，因為不是很多來自馬來西亞的互惠生。哈哈哈。認識了來自不同國籍的互惠生。22個國家的互惠生。酷斃！這是美國著名的時代廣場。

有個女孩是女版的金賢重！來自哥倫比亞。笑的弧度竟然和雙魚的opah一樣！雙魚沒有做夢。這是真的人。她叫Isabel.

在酒店上課學習過後大家都各奔東西繼續旅程。雙魚來到了New Haven, Connecticut 06511。Yale 大學城。第一的感覺是：冷，累。 接下來幾個禮拜都是冷。就算今天 2 月9 日還是冷。而且外面正下著細細的雪。慶倖漸漸習慣了冷。還好，在這個家幾乎天天有白米飯吃。所以還不會想念飯。哈哈。到這裡整整兩個月了。雙魚一切都好。生理時鐘調整了。適應了有生以來天氣溫度在零下十幾度到幾度的冬天。現在不必每天咒駡無聊的人類。而且也終於走出了那個一直想跳出的框框。那一切苦苦的日子終於換來了這一點的甜。值得。捨不得的都捨得了。放不下的都放下了。這一切其實需要的就是勇氣與堅持。雙魚完成了生命中其中一個小夢，還有很多等著呢。在看這部落的你呢？咱們一起加油吧。Life begins when your comfort zone ends. 剛剛開始的新旅程，還有許多等著雙魚去探索。祝願一切順利。也祝願在遠方的家人與朋友，願你們一樣在新的一年裡有新的旅程。。。。。。

隨性

隨便擺。隨便照。效果還比起特意擺，特意照來的順眼。=.= "'