sigh...

Friends told me, "secure a job before you quit your current job."
I answered, "hmmm.. correct.. Yes, I have to.." but ended up, I didn't secure a job before i quit the current job, so how ? I don't know..
Family were asking me, "Don't you want to continue your study?"
I answered, "I want to further study,of course but not in M'sia and not at this moment."
Tonight, I can't sleep. I thought I was tired after watched city hunter and tomorrow still need to work. How? I am still here, I can't sleep at all.. the moment I close my eyes, a lot of questions popping out ... I don't have the answers for all the questions... How? How? How?
for the past one year, I have been working something seems to be very interesting,yes, I admit, but in fact, I don't really love the job. I thought of giving a chance to try something new to me- Business, marketing field... I thought I will love the job. After working for a year, I still cannot fit into the business/ marketing field... I can't catch up with the concept at all.. sometimes, I just feel it doesnt makes me comfortable.. Yes, this is not what I want and can't even reach the satisfaction level at all.. Of course, I got money to pay the debts- PTPTN, my living expenses and etc.. but I don't have enough money to do whatever I want to do..
after reviewing my goals, I am not going to reach them if I'm still staying here..
Reasons:
1) I find myself I don't love the job anymore
2) I find myself I'm lost..
3) I didn't save enough money and didn't get to learn something I want in order to pursue my goals.
4) I find myself don't like the colleagues anymore and I don't know who can I trust anymore...
5) I am little bit sick of KL life.. Maybe I just need to get out from here for a while, only I find awesome KL.
6) The work cannot reach the satisfaction level that I've set.
7) I find it's no point to continue here since I can't reach my goals and I'm suffering most of the time..
8) I'm sick..I don't have a healthy lifestyle/ good health since I started work. I fall sick often. I think it's time to have a body check up coz something inside my body isn't right and it seems become worst.. argghh..
a lot of things, inside my mind when I close my eyes... I'm lost.. I'm curious, I'm scare, I'm ... ...
Who, who is going to save me? Who, who is going to listen to me? Who, who is going to empower me?
I don't know.. raining heavily in the middle of the night.. I'm still here.. I can't sleep..
I was trying to make my day busying with many things coz I scare of staying at home alone... I watched movies/ dramas and etc.. I'm scare .. I shared with friends about my difficulties at work..yes, it's a way to release your feeling..
I'm scare of the last day of work. I don't know which way to go now.. Yet, I believe, God will lead me.. but, who can teach me how to avoid being nagged by family?? sigh.. I wish to travel & work coz I don't like to have any commitment, maybe at this moment. I don't want to be prison in a box. I just want to walk out from the box to experience something new. The world is Huge.. a lot of things to explore.. but people will always question you: "Do you have the $$?" again, no $$ no talk on this world, isn't it? again, I have to be realistic, study for few years, work for few years and only can travel.. but how many people can travel in the end? they just committed their life to work, then family.. That's it. a stable life, isn't it?  Perhaps, I'm weird.. I just want to do something different from most of people. however, I am not Brave enough... so, I failed... ...
a long sigh filled up the night... a silent night... I missed the night I can share my thought to someone...